my fall look today is winged eyeliner, plum lipstick, and a look on my face like i’m fucking your boyfriend and can’t wait for you to find out.
My fall look is simple liner with bold lashes, burgundy lipstick, a gleam in my eyes that let’s men know that I’ll suck their dick, their money out of their bank accounts, and the souls right out of their bodies.
this is my favorite post on tumblr currently
My lifes not going too great at the moment. I had planned to have petted at least 40% of the dogs on planet earth by now and I have petted maybe 0.5% of the dogs.
I just did the math and it turns out 0.5% of the dogs on the planet is 26 million and I dont even think I’ve petted that many :(
Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:
"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"
"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"
"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"
"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."
"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"
- "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
- "GREAT WHITE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW" = "FUCKING OW"